Key-Stone Cops It In The Neck

Posted by on Sep 15, 2014 | 2 Comments

For all of you small “c” conservative citizens of our Democratically Free Peninsula of Devonport and the wastelands beyond, now is your chance to repeat the mistakes of your adolescence!

Just as in 1981, when you managed to convince yourself – while also concluding that sheep’s bladders can be employed to prevent earthquakes – that it was “OK” for the dastardly Africaans to send their racially selected rugby team over here, you can again, take the yellow-bellied route to self-denial and claim it’s still OK to vote for Uncle Sam’s little henchman in the Beehive.

Where are they when we need them?

Where are they when we need them?

Equally, just as you allowed yourself to be convinced that there was something a bit creepy about two guys kissing – while agreeing with Ronald Reagan that trees create more pollution than cars – and signed that reprehensible petition denying people with different sexual predilections from yours the right to have sex – you can walk into the polling booth with your head held high, your ears blocked with parsley, your eyes blinded by expensive Raybans – and vote for dear ol’ Maggie Wassername.

There is no point, oh pleasant plebs of Devostan, of denying the facts any longer. The Speculator has no particular political predilections, and would be taking the same view had any other of our pusillanimous political parties being discovered with their trousers quite so low around their legs, while so sloveringly (yes, I made that up) doing the bidding of this country’s corporate competition.

If it wasn’t enough for you to read an email that is clearly authentic and that states that our Justice Minister was “gunning” for the head of our Serious Fraud Office for no particular reason (oh yes, sorry, a bottle of wine), while also bathing luxuriantly in the sewer that is the world of WhaleOil, then this latest revelation probably won’t make a jot of difference to you.

But in twenty years’ time, The Speculager guarantees you will find yourself in exactly the same position as our cowardly little leader did a couple of years ago, when he had to pretend he had forgotten (FFS, how many things does this lout forget) what his position on the Springbok Tour had been. Because your grandkids will ask (in innocent, high pitched voice) “When we had the chance to escape from the corporate claws of Uncle Sam, did you vote for Godzone’s independence, or did you throw your lot in with the filthy rich and their rich bully mates?”

It doesn’t matter if you think the Greens, or Labour, or ACT would have done the same thing, or that it is “just politics”. The only thing that determines that politics remains “just politics” is your reluctance to vote against this kind of bully-grovelling leadership.

Some good guys earlier.

Some good guys earlier.

If anything matters at a general election, it’s this. We as the citizenry of our country need to remain in control of our country’s destiny; and this government has clearly signalled its gutlessness in facing up to the US on issues involving both our democratic right to privacy and the political independence of our machinery of government. Oh, and that small issue of lying to us to cover up their fenagalings.

So; after all this, do you trust them to negotiate favourably with their big mate when it comes to the TPP? Do you believe Key when he laughs patronisingly and says “Of course Pharmac is safe with us!”

O loyal legions of  readers of various political persuasions; this is not the time to vote out of habit (unless you are a recently resigned woman of the Cloth, fresh from a convent); but, the Speculator would be devastated for you and your grandchildren if you were to be wrong on such important issues concerning our country’s welfare THREE times. That stops looking like naivety and starts looking like stupidity!

The Speculator humbly suggests; this election is no longer a vote about Right or Left. It is now an election about right or wrong. Vote for anyone other than Obama’s little henchman, and revel in the feeling of having conducted a heroic deed. After all, there’s another election in three years’ time; at which we can all vote out the inevitable idiots who get in this time.


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  1. Hear, hear. It is an election about right and wrong. Aotearoa, Land of the wrong white crowd!

  2. Helen says:

    First rate comment thank you Speculator

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