Usain Bolt Included In New Zealand Olympic Team

Posted by on Aug 06, 2012 | 3 Comments

Due to an “administrative error” Jamaican sprint star Usain Bolt has been added to the New Zealand Olympic team’s list of athletes competing at the 2012 London Olympics.

Mick Flam, chief administrator for the NZ Olympic Federation, said he liked the look of Bolt, and thought he would add Bolt’s name to the list of Nz athletes. “He seemed like a nice young man and I liked the cut of his gib, so I thought we could put him in the Opti class of our sailing team, and give him a shot at gold” Flam said. “I didn’t realise he was actually from Jamaica, wherever that is.”

Flam’s error comes amid serious questions being raised about the competence of the NZ Olympics administration, who apparently had forgotten the Olympics were on this year. “I checked my Filofax back in December, and I had a little note saying ‘Don’t forget the Olympics are next year.’ I forgot December was in 2011. It’s a silly error, but anybody could have made it” Flam said.

This is not the first time the NZOF has erred in its planning for the biggest event in the sporting calendar. Earlier this year, they decided Jacko Gill, shotput prodigy and a shoe-in for gold was “a bit up himself” and decided to reject his registration to the London Olympics.

A few months later, after the Olympics were under way, it was discovered the NZOF had forgotten to register Valerie Adams, current world champion discus thrower and another good bet for gold. “She was listed as Adam, Valerry in our team sheet, and we thought people would laugh if we submitted an athlete with a boy’s name for the woman discus competition, so we deleted her name.”

It was only when the list of competitors was announced shortly before the event was started that Adams’ manager noticed the omission.

“It’s a silly error, but anybody could have made it” Flam said. “Anyway, we most certainly didn’t forget to add the All Blacks, and I’m off to watch their opening match against the Chiefs at Wimbledon shortly.”

...was almost a cul de sac

Nick Cowan, Adams’ manager only had this to say; “Don’t bother arguing with stupid people; they’ll only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”


  1. matilda says:

    Brilliant! more please 🙂

  2. Excellent to have you back writing again. You are very generous in overlooking that the NZQF hadn’t recognised that Valerie is a shot putter like Jacko not a discus thrower. Silver is the new gold.

  3. Ian Free says:

    The good Mr Flam (we called him “Flim” in the old days) would not know a 370 from an about-face, but he deserves high marks for enrolling the fastest gib-stopper on the planet. I. too. like the cut of his jib.
    Alfred the Grate, Devonport.

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