North Shore Times Reports Eruption of Rangitoto

Posted by on Mar 10, 2011 | 1 Comment

Brian Tamaki creates Rangitotoast in a flash of light

Brian Tamaki creates Rangitoto in a flash of light

The Speculator is not in the habit of poking fun at its competitors, but the North Shore Times has opened itself up for a spot of gentle ribbing in recent weeks.

First it managed to print a glaring spelling error in its headline about literacy (see LOL article on “Back on the Chane “g” gang).

Then in its March 8 issue it reports on Len Brown’s visit to Belmont Intermediate School – which occurred about two weeks ago today sometime in 1967. This is right next to an article reporting on The Masonic picnic protest that occurred early last century. Moreover, it didn’t even manage to have a single photo of the protest, but instead published a stock photo of The Masonic taken shortly after its construction sometime around 1170.

After searching through the archives for further examples of this belated reporting, The Speculator happened across the following article which allegedly appeared in the North Shore Times earlier this year.

A large conical thing has appeared in the sea off Devonport, after some flames, smoke and loud noises were reported by local tangata whenua. The large conical thingy has yet to be named, although some experts say it is a “volcanoe”. The Times understands a volcanoe is like a potatoe in that it grows underground and can be hot, but it cannot be eaten for health reasons.

Dr Arnold Flipper Snr, professor of Creashionist Studies at Auckland University, claimed the comical shape was a symbol of God’s roth. “I look at that shape and I see two slippery slopes. God’s telling us; you’re on one, so buck up your ideas or you’ll be Rangitotoast.”

The NS Times contacted  God’s local resentative Bishop for Life of Brian Tamaki who claimed it was him and not God who was made the big explosion and that he had a few more up his sleeve but wouldn’t say when he would let them off.

Local kaumatua Vince Stretton who saw the explosive bang, rubbished Flipper’s and Tamaki’s claims and stated it looked like “a fairly major geological event; probably related to Auckland’s location over a monogenetic volcanic  field. It’s got nothing to do with slippery slopes, but I can tell you, it ruined my bloody Sky reception.” The Times understands the name Rangitotoe, which in Maori means “Bloody Sky Reception” is being proposed as the name for the thingy.

Rangitotoe is 70 years old, which is about the age of the earth, according to Mr Tamaki for Life, Brian who also played the Prime Minister on The Moody Blues latest album, In Flight of the Lost Conchords .”

1 comment

  1. Ric says:

    I question the validity of the 1170 stock photo of the Masonic as the camera was not invented untill the 1600’s 🙂

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