Marine Square Protests Crushed By PC O’Reilly

Posted by on Feb 17, 2011 | 2 Comments

The local constable explains some of the finer points of law to a Devonport protester

The local constable explains some of the finer points of law to a Devonport protester

In scenes reminiscent of recent events in Egypt’s capital city Cairo, Devonport’s central Marine Square was awash with spilled Chardonnay this morning, after last night’s popular protests against the Auckland Council were crushed by the local constabulary.

PC Steve O’Reilly, wearing his cross face and angry eyes, prevented the several hundred protesters from staging a sit-in at the planned removal of 43 car parks by suggesting (in a loud voice that had some children running for their Mums) that “this silly carry-on is not appropriate behaviour” and he would be speaking to everyone’s parents (or guardians) about the incident.

Liz Skipper, 43 and mother of 2.5, was reduced to a trembling blob by the brutal response of the police to the well-intentioned protest, and fled the scene before she could be identified and reported to her parents. “He didn’t need to shout like that” Skipper said in a small voice “It scared the living daylights out of the ferry commuters, and I swear I saw several Dads faint with fright.”

PC O’Reilly was unrepentant. “This kind of carry-on is a bit silly and would not make these people’s parents proud. I’ll be having a word with their Mums and they can expect some fairly dire consequences as a result.”

When questioned about the raising of his voice and particularly the ruthless use of his angry eyes, PC O’Reilly was unapologetic. “That was nothing. You wait until I cross my arms and talk conspiratorially into my walkie talkie. That’ll soon sort out the sheep from the goats.”

However protest leader, local revolutionary and hirsute model David Slack claimed he was not intimidated by O’Reilly’s extreme response. “We’ve got a few tricks up our sleeves. The fuzz may have won the first round, but once they start reading some stern letters to the editor in The Devonport Speculum, they”ll soon realise the pen is mightier than the sword.”

2 comments

  1. matilda says:

    And that PC O’Reilly always looked like such a nice young man….

  2. Bond says:

    There’s plenty to be said in favour of upgrading the wharf itself with decks/restaurants etc. It is a waste of a great location at present, and it would be lovely to be able to sip the odd martini overlooking the harbour. But looking at the plans (for which the link is below) why do we need the massive pedestrian crossing/area cutting across what is actually the main route around Devo? Are our visitors so dim that they cannot use the existing zebra crossings or perhaps an improved one straight across to the Reserve? (If so, perhaps some Darwinian selection is in order). All a vast pedestrian thing across the road will produce is a more ‘mall-like’ appearance (very dull and hardly in Devo’s style) more delay to cars (which my Porsche dislikes immensely) and more car fumes and noise for the cafe/restaurant-goers (the ‘stop-start’ of speedbumps/raised areas etc. has been shown to produce a higher level of both noise and fumes). The irritation to drivers caused by yet another impediment to normal movement will probably make the other crossings on Victoria less safe, producing no net safety gain. And it seems that this part of the plan will also remove a number of car parking spaces, to the continued detriment of local businesses. This part of the plan therefore seems like a total waste of tax-payers’ money, which would be better put into improving the wharf – or which I could put to much better use in Monte Carlo.
    003

    Here’s the link to the plans:

    http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showthread.php?t=931140

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