Devonport: The Tourists Are Coming And Our Toilets Will Be Humming

Posted by on Aug 01, 2011 | 5 Comments

Business class will also be available for the discerning user

Business class will also be available for the discerning user

Burghers, citizens, blokes, dudes and gentlefolk of Devonport! The Speculator brings more good news.

Like all good communities with an English heritage, matters of a scatological nature have been uppermost  in your recent thoughts. Thomas Crapper would have been proud to have heard the tireless trumpeting of toilet-related tribulations that have been vented at community meetings all over our fair peninsula.

Well, the tide has turned. The Speculator is delighted to attach a document that outlines in detail, how our little rooms will fare in the build-up to the RWC.

There will be scrubbing. There will be painting. There will be demolition. But most importantly, there will be a doubling of the cleaning roster.

After this bathroom blitz, oh honest ratepayers of Devonport, you will want to spend all your pennies at once. You will rush to the rest rooms to see the gleaming white walls, the state of the art hand rinsers, the remote-sensing blow-dryers. You will marvel at the simple pleasure of being seated behind a door that locks, or indeed, occupying a cubicle with a door at all. Your twitching snout will be arrested by the mellifluous smells of honey-scented Dettol, lovingly (and regularly) applied to all the flat surfaces by a smiling and beneficent attendant, who will beatifically guide you to a vacant cubicle while minding your parasol.

This, people of Devonport, is the Flushing Meadow upon which we shall tread; a urinalinary Utopia that methane-producing mammals from far and wide shall trek to; a pilgrimage down Lake Rd, our own road to Damascus, our own Santiago de Compost. We are indeed blessed.

As is our destiny, we Devonport mavericks can buck the trend. We can at last, go back into the closet.

Scope of Works Toilets Devonport-Takapuna July 11


  1. JL says:

    To all the workers who’ll be slogging through these last minute, rush jobs….urinal our thoughts.

  2. Glladys says:

    do you think the former Mayor might be prevailed upon to appear at a celebratory function? He would appear to have the right credentials.

    Glladys (sic) – That’s a bit naughty – Ed

  3. ES says:

    I just hope that the remote-sensing blow-dryers are not ones you need ear muffs for!! [If you go to the Britomart railway toilets and use the blow-dryers there even just a few times, you’d be deaf before your time!]

    No – these ones are different. You can actually plug your ipod into them and listen to your music while you wash your hands. – Ed

  4. GB says:

    ed, there are a few things missing from that photo there: laptop, ipod, smartphone, cellphone, Devonport Flagstaff, a Stone Oven coffee card!

  5. JP says:

    Flushed with excitement!

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