Zombie Danger in Devonport

Posted by on Apr 30, 2010 | 1 Comment


The Speculator managed to capture this extraordinary image, shortly before being eaten

♣ The Dead are complaining that the not so  recently-cleaned gravestones in the St Paul’s graveyard are so bright that the reflected light is disturbing their eternal slumber.

Several long term residents of the graveyard interviewed by the Speculator (from within a Pentangle) claimed; “We’re wandering around Devonport in the middle of the night like zombies because we can’t sleep from the glare and all the bars are closed. It’s only a matter of time before someone gets a fright. With our empty eye sockets we can’t see a thing, so we’re dragging ourselves around Victoria Rd with our arms out in front of us to avoid the lampposts, and we just know someone’s going to get the wrong idea.”

Mabel Figworthy, 142, of Row 4 Headstone C, added “We’d only just got back off to sleep after all the terrible shouting up at St Paul’s, with all the ‘Vaughan did this’ and ‘Sherri did that’ palaver.  I don’t want to be accused of claughan vehemency (see upcoming article on Devonport’s unique dialect for a translation – Ed),  but it’s not asking too much to be allowed to rest in peace is it?”

Editor’s Note: The Speculator is selling Zombie Survival Kits at $131.99 each. Money raised will go towards the urgent re-painting of the gravestones.


Inconvenienced by The Undead? This kit will keep you one step ahead!

1 comment

  1. My Sharona says:

    Very funny and little bit naughty – excellent!

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