Tsunami “Gives Up” On Approach To Cheltenham

Posted by on May 13, 2010 | Leave a Comment

♣ Devonport was spared a soaking today when a tsunami “gave up” on its approach towards Cheltenham Beach.

The raging surge of unparalleled destructive force claimed; “I’d lose the element of surprise, and that just takes away all the fun.”

“I haven’t come thousands of miles at close to the speed of sound to have to drag myself over the last couple of hundred metres at 50 km/h, while people point and laugh and then run away.”

Bob's birth was difficult and painful, and may have led to his churlish behaviour.

"Bob" had an unpleasant birth, and this may have contributed towards his churlish behaviour.

The tsunami, who wished to be identified only as “Bob,” said the extraordinary levels of kinetic energy he possessed demanded “a bit more respect.”

“It took quite a bit of displacement to manifest my gigantic waveform, and I’m not about to waste it all by thrashing pointlessly about on a long, shallow coastal approach that denies me the opportunity to rear up 40-odd metres and come crashing down with the noise of several hundred thermonuclear devices. Which, by the way, are all bark and no bite.”

However, King Neptune was reputed to be furious. “This kind of behaviour is exactly the sort of thing that will ensure we are the losers in the battle of Man against Nature.”

While it is understood Bob is now trying to re-brand himself as a “freak wave,” Neptune is said to be unimpressed. “Slopping up against the side of a liner and scaring a few pensioners is simply not good enough. We had great plans for Bob. You wait until I get my fins on him. He’ll be Pump” (a common bottled drinking water – Ed).

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