Ferry To Provide Target Practice

Posted by on Aug 24, 2010 | 4 Comments

Devonport Navy

The frigate Te Kaha delivering an earlier broadside at someone illegally weeding at Polly's Park

In what many are seeing as a provocative act of reprisal, The Navy has announced it intends to use the Stanley Bay ferry as target practice for the 4” guns of its frigate fleet.

Following closely on the heel of the latest uprising at Stanley Point, Stanilists  are seeing the announcement as a “deliberate act of extreme provocation.”  Stanleystan official The Very Reverend Stan Doffish stated “There is a clearly-defined and agreed demilitarisation zone around Stanley Point, of which both the navies of New Zealand and Stanleystan are aware. Any attempt to interfere in Point shipping will be met with absolute and total destruction of everything.”

The New Zealand navy was adamant however. “That silly little so-called ferry poodles across the harbour several times every day, sometimes almost sinking in the process. We don’t know what it’s doing or who it thinks it is, but it’s going to the bottom.  In several pieces.”

When asked if this was in retaliation for the recent threats by Stanley Point separatist groups SPIT and the DTLA to swipe the 6” turret from outside the base, the navy official, who did not wish to be named (because of an embarrassing surname) responded “No, no, no, no. No.”

However, Lt  Iva Spittlebottom went on to assure commuters on other ferries that they were safe. “There is no danger to any other shipping on the harbour. The gunnery officer has state of the art bi-focal glasses, and he was able to discern the difference between a picture of a ship and a Pterodactyl at his last eye test in February. Auckland’s nautical commuters can sail safely without fear. The Stanilist man-o-war, on the other hand,  can expect to eat death and lead, as they used to say in the war comics.”

Commuter levels have dropped on the Stanley Bay ferry since the announcement

Commuter levels have dropped on the Stanley Bay ferry since the announcement

Bean Rock, Stanleystan’s only official ally, decided that as a stationary target, it had nothing to say on the matter.

Read about earlier developments in this extraordinary episode here

4 comments

  1. The Speculator says:

    How reassuringly anarchic of you…

  2. GB says:

    LOL guns, navy, commuters, target practice??..I thought the Navy could do better by aiming their guns at the BIG
    mansions in Stanley Point there..coughs.. 🙂

  3. Chris says:

    I believe it. I can think of several locals that could be most accurately described as revolting.

  4. Brian says:

    Very funny! Although I did speak to someone yesterday who was concerned this might be a true story…

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