Sea Slug Predicts Outcome of Mayoral Race

Posted by on Jul 14, 2010 | 2 Comments

A Devonport resident who claims his pet sea slug has predicted the results of the Auckland Super State (ASS) Mayoral race was criticized today for dragging “a serious political issue into the foreshore.”

Oscar was "pretty happy" with his latest prediction

Oscar was "pretty happy" with his latest prediction

Mayoral candidate Rob Banks claimed it was ludicrous to expect a toxic worm with the equally ludicrous name Pleurobranchaea maculate to have any knowledge of events that occurred in the “sophisticated, cut and thrust world of Auckland local politics when it lived on the Cheltenham seabed.”

However, slug owner and political pundit Reg Rhombus insisted his pet Pleurobranchaea Oscar had an unblemished record in forecasting political events, claiming he had correctly predicted the fall of the Mycenaean civilization, the rise and fall of the Roman Empire and what  became one of Devonport’s best known scandals; the infamous “WaterGate” incident, in which local politician Rhys Jones-Darby used taxpayer funds to purchase a pair of Speedos he then went on to use to win the annual Devonport midwinter swim.

Oscar’s latest prediction is that the ASS mayoralty will be won by Buck Shelford; an interesting choice, given Shelford has yet to announce his candidacy.

In his statement Banks went on to rubbish Oscar’s credentials, claiming that his own pet seahorse Philip had assured him that he was certain to win what would turn out to be a “one horse race.”

Philip has an extraordinary record of predicting the future

Philip the seahorse is confident his owner will triumph in the upcoming elections

When asked to comment, fellow candidate Andy Williams rubbished Banks’ claims, stating “my pet paramecium Hilda has confirmed I’m a shoe-in” while glitzy rich-lister  Tenby Powell’s Plesiosaurus “Chomp” texted in his confirmation from Loch Ness that Powell would (cont’d on pg 933)

STOP PRESS: Follow the link below for the latest news on Paul’s escapades.

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2 comments

  1. Andrew says:

    Mmmmm very interesting. Where can I purchase a dozen of these sea slugs? And can they freight them to Hong Kong?

  2. J & J Scott says:

    it is clear that sea slugs are taking over devonport and must be stopped. several were seen recently dining at manuka. one wearing glass beads and architects glasses. they must be stopped. devonport will be OURS!!!!!

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