Pesky Kids Infuriate Local Seagull Population

Posted by on Dec 15, 2010 | 3 Comments

The fountain, earlier.

The fountain, earlier.

Local seagulls are agog after a recent act of tomfoolery denied them access to their normal freshwater bath facility.

It is believed that local school kids, revelling in their freedom after months of education-related captivity, are responsible for the dumping of dish washing liquid into Devonport’s municipal fountain.

“This is the sort of behaviour that gives bird brains a bad name” said local seagull rep Bob Hornsby. “People already think we’re vermin; how the hell are we going to keep clean now?”

The local pigeon population however praised the move, claiming it was an opportunity for their members to “clean up their act.”

“While we’re a little concerned about the short term effects of the detergent on our plumage, we believe the long term ramifications for our image are extremely positive” said member of the columba livia domestica genus and local hygiene risk Larry Spill.

“We’re right down there with rats and cockroaches. If we can start to improve our image then – ” was all  Spill was able to say before being shooed away by irritated picnickers, fed up with his incessant and repetitive cooing.

From a nearby branch Spill was able to continue, suggesting the detergent would be effective against a “significant proportion” of the awful afflictions he and his flock carried about with them, but he was then harried by some small children who – disgusted by his deformed feet and mangy plumage – threw stones at him.

Spill was forced to flee a second time, narrowly avoiding a car that had swerved to hit him, finally alighting on a rubbish bin where he scavenged among rancid food while chatting to a rat.

When asked to comment on the pigeon’s more constructive approach, seagull rep Hornsby responded “We’re delighted. It gives us another reason to visit the local water feature. We’re “guano” have a great time in the branches above the fountain” he said, a little mysteriously.

3 comments

  1. Cee Lo says:

    hehehehe niiice

  2. BB says:

    Those poor pidges!!!!

  3. GB says:

    Sorry, I was cracking up badly reading all of that. LOL

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