Parents Organise Own Riot To Show Kids “Proper Behaviour”

Posted by on Nov 17, 2010 | 4 Comments

Abel Flame, North shore “parent,” thug and doting father of three has spoken of his anguish at discovering his 4-month old son was involved in the beach riot at Cheltenham 2 weeks ago.

Mr Flame speaks to media outside his house after the riot.

Mr Flame speaks to media outside his house after the riot.

“It was a complete shock. We had locked him in his room with his home cinema system, an Xbox, a PS1, a PS2, a PS3 and a PS Poor and some harmless video games that involved stealing cars and murdering prostitutes. To awake from our comatose state on the back lawn after having had a few beers and some friends around to watch the rugby and to discover he was at some beach party made us pretty much ropable.”

Mr Flame continued; “I mean, I can’t believe the schools and the police allowed it. I am disgusted and disappointed that these bureaucracies that soak up millions of dollars of taxpayer’s money are so utterly useless at controlling these kids. I mean, why oh why are the police not monitoring these kids when they’re on Facebook for example.”

Headmaster of Ranginada College and part-time devil worshipper Dr Kid Slapper agreed it was a fair cop. “We dropped the ball on this one. We try and teach our pupils to make wise choices when they are out there in the wilderness of their own homes, but there’s only so much we can do. Their parents are keen for their kids to do “whatever”, and so naturally some sub-optimal behaviour occurs. We’re hoping the parents sue the school, each teacher individually and me personally to teach us a lesson.”

However, Mr Flame has decided to “take the law into my own hands, set things straight once and for all, and to teach these bloody kids a lesson they won’t forget in a hurry.”

“Me and my mates are going to organise a proper riot to show these poofter kids how it’s done. In my day we used to hunt in packs, looking for homos or HART supporters. There was none of this sitting around a fire nonsense, or smoking e’s or whatever. I mean my eight- year old has set up some kind of science lab in his bedroom for Christ’s sake. What are they teaching kids at schools nowadays? They’ll be teaching them about sex next.”

Mr and Mrs Flame and their family are rumoured to be in negotiations with TV8 for a “tell all reality show” which follows the Flames’ everyday life. During the show, the Flames fulfill the prejudices of the viewing public who are then able to project their own insecurities as parents onto the Flames’ considerable parental shortcomings. This in turn allows them to continue to believe their own dysfunctional children are the result of someone else’s failings, thus ensuring their children’s dysfunctions develop into anti-social behavior, such as rioting.

The title of the show is penciled in to be “Let’s Blame The Flames.”


  1. Sarah says:

    Re Edna’s comment – from what I can tell,all the info about these parties/riots and the organisers is available on Facebook – surely not that hard for parents and police to track them down….

  2. Julie says:

    A friend and I just read this and literally cried with laughter 🙂

  3. Edna Bucket says:

    Good point well made Speculator. Great quote from the NZ Herald: “Concerned police will meet North Shore principals on Friday to discuss the party and their plan to stop a repeat of last weekend’s violence.”
    Let’s juxtapose this slightly: “Concerned council dog control officers will meet dog obedience groups to discuss their plan to stop a repeat of the series of dog attacks on North Shore beaches last weekend.”
    In the latter situation, would we not expect the owners to take – not some, but TOTAL – responsibility for their pets, and wouldn’t most dog owners step up and do so? Yes!
    If these kids are still at school, they are the responsibility of their PARENTS.

  4. Ian Free says:

    Good. I have seen the light. I will follow the Flame wherever it leads. I now know what to do with my old croquet mallet. I’d like to see any pasty-faced youth try and get the better of me.
    Yours for a sane society
    Fred (94 next birthday)

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