Devonport Ranked “OK” As Place To Live

Posted by on Nov 09, 2010 | 2 Comments

The best place to live in the world; according to a new survey.

The best place to live in the world; according to a new survey.

The UN has inexplicably ranked Devonport not the best place to live in its world ranking of habitable “suburbs, lakes and terminal moraines”; The Best Places to Live Index.

First placed was the glacial landscape of Russell Valley in Greenland; described by the authors of the survey as “remote yet with easy access to supplies which are conveniently parachuted in, a predictable climate, a nice frozen lake, a moraine to die for and plenty of space to walk the kids.”

The city of Orcland , a largely fictional place located somewhere in the imagination of the nursery rhyme figure Sir Peter JackandtheBeanstalk was ranked about 10th. Peter’s mind – allegedly controlled by the evil Warner Hole In The Crotch Brothers – likes to invent pleasant investment havens in which local people run around doing Peter’s bidding while unashamedly expressing their gratitude for his thinking them into existence. With the help of slave labour, computers and a friendly local buffoon called “Djonkey”, this place of the imagination has become reality, and with its almost Utopian lifestyle, has stormed to the upper reaches of The Best Places to Live Index, unseating previous incumbents.

One of the previous incumbents who have suffered in this year’s survey is the country of Iceland – previously ranked first – which was nowhere to be found on the ranking table. This was thought to be because, with its glaciers melting  at a rate matched only by its economy’s disintegration,  there was little left for residents and tourists to do except skate about on thin ice, a past-time recently introduced to the country by its financial community.

While the city of Orcland is mostly the product of  Peter’s imagination, the kingdom of Devonport – is not, having been brought into existence directly by God. However, He now considers it “a bit too exclusive” and prefers instead to live on the outskirts of Ngataringa Bay, where He shares a flat with Vaughan Clemens.

While God was delighted His work had finally been recognised,  He was surprised Greenland had beaten Devonport; “It wasn’t supposed to be icy, but after I named it I ran out of green felt tip, and then miscalculated the effects of continental drift” He claimed.

Neverthelesss, the authors of the survey demonstrated almost anywhere can be in the running to win, when they selected Australia for second place, which they described as “just one big lovely terminal moraine, with its delightful terminally moranic inhabitants always asking where the bloody hell you’ve been.”

2 comments

  1. “Djonkey” – excellent!

  2. Beryl says:

    Mad.But very funny!

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